I brought a bad habit into my marriage; the occasional use of the “you are really stupid” tone of voice. I did not use it often just when I was sick or frustrated or hungry. My almost perfect husband could have reacted defensively or counter attacked or yelled at me. Instead he would grab me into a big warm loving bear hug and say “I love you and please do not speak to me in that kind of voice.” Notice he did not say “I love you BUT” which would have negated the words before. He used and.
Sometimes I would make the mistake of using a disrespectful or insulting tone of voice when speaking to him in front of other people. Like the time I was pregnant and feeling really lousy and my parents and brother and sister were visiting. And I answered a question of his in that “I can’t believe you asked such a dumb question” tone of voice. As soon as breakfast was over and everyone scattered to their various tasks and we were alone he pulled me close to him, looked me in the eye, and said “when you said ‘*****’ it embarrassed me and your family and made our children uncomfortable. I know you aren’t feeling your best and would you please make an effort to remember I am your best friend and we do not speak to each other in that way.” Then he gave me a big hug, I hugged back, apologized and promised I would do better and we went on with our day.
I would like to think I am completely cured of this bad habit. I know speaking to everyone in a respectful tone is what my Big Brother Jesus would have me do. I am really grateful for my husband’s patience in this area and many others. His consistent “tough love” has made our marriage a beautiful loving relationship. And I know if I ever goof up I will have my best friend loving me and helping me do better.
That's sweet. You could/should share that with a certain church magazine I know. :)
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