Jhoon Rhee came to our school recently for a lecture demonstration and to discuss his philosophy of Tae Kwon Do. Apparently he is very famous because he started Tae Kwon Do in the
Austria
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Tae Kwon Do
Friday, October 16, 2009
What does a Co-chair of a Recycling Committee do?
Co-Chair of Recycling Committee Green Team
Communications Director Duties
- Take minutes at the Green team meetings- distribute minutes for review before next meeting.
- Take minutes for all Recycling committee meetings- distribute minutes for review before next meeting.
- Contact Green Team members who act as activities representative and interview them or get them to write an “after action” report to establish protocols for future years.
- Keep an updated Recycling Committee telephone/contact list.
- Be the Green Team representative on the AAS Food committee and attend their monthly meetings, take notes and report back to Green Team
- Meet and communicate with Head of Transportation and Zhenya regarding Recycling protocol
- Arrange for new recycling bins and plastic bags to be purchased and distributed as needed.
- Communicate (sharing protocols and expectations) with Honeywell and their successors.
- Communicate with Finance Director (e.g. purchase of bins, liners, signage; relationship with Honeywell)
- Communicate with Facilities manager regarding recycling storage as required.
- Communicate with Green Guys for the "Recycle Here" signs to be hung throughout the school.
- Ask Zhenya the time of pickup and delivery for Friday.
- Type up bi-lingual labels for Recycling Bins, email to Tatania, after they are printed and laminated distribute
- Supervise Thursday’s sort as needed
- Actively recruit new members to Recycling Committee- participate in their training.
Recycling At AAS
The first 3 photos were taken at the paper recycling warehouse where the recycled paper is taken each Friday from our school.There is a Recycling Room in our school where the recycling is stored until transport on Fridays. The stacks of bags are filled with plastic drink bottles & tin cans. One of the unpleasant tasks we need volunteers for is the Thursday "sort out". The company that takes our bottles and cans will not accept them if they have any liquid in them. So while we are still in the process of educating all students, a team must check every bag and empty them of all garbage and empty all bottles and cans that have been discarded without being emptied. This Thursday scouts Devan & Niels did the sort out with help and supervision from Kath and Me. It took us 1 1/2 hours. And we unfortunately filled 2 large bags with trash taken from the bags. Some of it was moldy food from the cafeteria that really reeked...gross! There was also used kleenex, napkins, Mcdonald's food containers. Some of it was plastic items that the company does not yet accept like take away containers, yogart containers, hangers, cake boxes. I am looking forward to the day when the sort out takes a matter of minutes because everyone at AAS disposes of their recyclables correctly.
Elizabeth Ricks wonderful address
Discover, Develop and Honor Your Gifts
Elizabeth Ricks
______________________________________________________________________
This address was given Thursday, May 1, 2008, at the BYU Women’s Conference
© 2008 by Brigham Young University Women’s Conference. All rights reserved
For further information write:
BYU Women’s Conference
352 Harman Continuing Education Building
Provo, Utah 84602
801-422-7692
E-mail: womens_conference@byu.edu
Home page: http://womensconference.byu.edu
______________________________________________________________________
Between 1914 and 1916, Ernest Shackleton led the Endurance Expedition, attempting to cross
the Antarctic continent on foot. Although he failed to achieve his goal, he demonstrated
remarkable leadership. The ship Endurance became trapped in the frozen sea and was finally
crushed nine months later.
Trekking across ice and then rowing in lifeboats, Shackleton led his men to refuge on remote,
ice-covered Elephant Island. He left his men there while he sailed across 800 miles of open
ocean to get help. After 14 days at sea, he reached an island where he crossed brutal,
mountainous terrain and marshaled a ship. Four attempts later, Shackleton rescued his men.
Astonishingly, all 28 survived their ordeal after spending 22 months in the Antarctic.
Despite Shackleton’s notable leadership and tenacity, he unfortunately may not have recognized
many of his own gifts. He explained in a letter to his wife why he was an explorer. “I’m not
much good at anything else,”i he wrote. Perhaps too many of us are like Shackleton in that we
define our gifts by default.
Let’s not focus on what gifts we might not have, but let’s consider the gifts we do have. Think, “I
am a good neighbor, and I have the gift of empathy.” Think, “I am a preschool teacher, and I
have been blessed with the gift of singing silly songs.” Think, “I am a mother, and I have the gift
of nurturing.”
I would like to urge you to do three things:
• First, discover your gift;
• Second, develop your gift;
• and third, honor your gift.
First let’s talk about discovering our gifts. Do you know what gifts you have been blessed with?
If you’re thinking you don’t have a gift, reconsider. Let’s turn to the scriptures. Section 46 of the
Doctrine and Covenants is a wonderful dissertation on gifts. In verse 11, we read, “For all have
2
not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man [and every woman] is
given a gift by the Spirit of God.”
You have a gift; your challenge might be to discover it. One way to discover a gift is to actively
seek it. In this same section, we read, “Ye are commanded in all things to ask of God, who giveth
liberally . . . seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given.”ii
Elder Dallin H. Oaks has stated that we should desire and zealously seek spiritual gifts. He
reminds us that, “the receipt of spiritual gifts is predicated upon faith, obedience, and personal
righteousness.”iii
The Lord told Oliver Cowdery that if he desired it, he would be granted the gift to translate, even
as Joseph translated.iv
In the Book of Mormon, Nephi sought the gift of vision, and he was granted the glorious vision
of the Tree of Life.
President Heber J. Grant desired the gift of penmanship, and through perseverance, he received
and achieved that gift.v
Another way to discover your personal gifts is to study and ponder your patriarchal blessing. The
counsel given in your blessing can provide you with insight and inspiration.
My husband Lyndon’s patriarch grandfather gave him his patriarchal blessing when he was only
13 years old. In the following year, as Lyndon and his parents pondered the blessing, they
realized that the gifts enumerated in it weren’t consistent with Lyndon’s becoming a fourthgeneration
farmer. With his parents’ help, Lyndon sought ways to develop the gifts his inspired
blessing promised. Consequently, we don’t live on a farm today. We aren’t even very good at
growing zucchini, but Lyndon has successfully developed his non-agricultural gifts that were
identified in the blessing.
A most satisfying way to discover your gift is through personal revelation.
May I share with you the process that I went through to discover a spiritual gift:
Several years ago our bishopric was reorganized. There was a feeling of excitement during
sacrament meeting as we contemplated new calls we might serve in. I had served most of my life
in music callings and hoped that, for a change and for my own personal growth, I’d be called to
be a teacher. The next week, new presidencies in all of the auxiliaries were sustained. The week
after that, name after name was read as we sustained teachers, compassionate service leaders,
music directors, and so forth. I was beginning to feel sad because I hadn’t received a new calling.
My patriarchal blessing said that I was to fulfill “responsibilities in the activities of the Church,
especially among [the women] and among the younger generation,” but the Relief Society,
Young Women and Primary were fully staffed.
3
Nearly a month passed. I knew that the Lord loved me, but I felt hurt that I wasn’t being
entrusted with a calling. My sadness took me to my knees. I told my Father in Heaven that I had
a desire to serve and asked Him to quell my uneasy heart. Most of all, I asked Him to help me
feel of my own individual worth in His kingdom.
After my prayer I began my scripture study. That day I was at the end of the Book of Mormon,
and one of the passages in Moroni 10 was about spiritual gifts. I read the list of gifts, hoping to
receive the assurance of the Holy Spirit that one of them was mine.
Starting in verse nine, I read about teaching the word of wisdom and then the word of
knowledge. I hoped for the familiar feeling of the Spirit’s witness, but it didn’t come, so I read
on.
“Exceedingly great faith.” Not my gift.
“Healing,” “mighty miracles,” “prophesy.” Nope. Nope. Nope.
“The beholding of angels and ministering spirits.” That would have been exciting, but it wasn’t
my gift either.
As I finished verse 15—“And again, to another, all kinds of tongues”—I felt anxious, because
the list was coming to an end. I knew what the last gift was, and because I didn’t have the gift of
tongues, I knew that I wouldn’t have the gift of the interpretation of tongues. But not wanting to
be a quitter, I finished the list:, “And again, to another, the interpretation of languages and of
divers kinds of tongues.”
As soon as I read the words “the interpretation of languages,” my heart swelled. I experienced
that wonderful, tender feeling that I knew was the Holy Ghost. Puzzled, I spoke aloud, “the
interpretation of languages? Is that my gift?” Unmistakable warmth coursed through my veins.
I knelt down beside the couch and asked Heavenly Father to increase my understanding. In my
mind I heard the words, “You have the gift of the interpretation of languages, and the language
that you interpret is English.”
It sounds crazy to have a gift of interpreting your native language, doesn’t it? In the week that
followed throught the experience of discovering my gift of interpreting English, I realized that I
had loved and interpreted the English language for as long as I could remember. I loved rhyming,
writing, reading, and reciting. When I started college, I shocked my piano teacher by declaring
an English major rather than a music major. I enjoyed the classes that led to my degree in
English. I still love placing apostrophes, finding symbolism, and looking for patterns and insights
in stories.
As you might guess, the next week, a member of the bishopric came and called me to be a
Sunday School teacher, a calling that I held for over six years and absolutely loved.
4
As I embarked on the calling, I wasn’t sure that I had the gift of teaching—even though I wanted
it—but I knew I had the gift of the interpretation of English. Knowing that I had the ability to
understand the original language of the latter-day scriptures, I set out to help my ward members
appreciate these holy words in a way consistent with my gift. They may not have learned much
about history or geography, but they certainly learned the intricacies and importance of words
such as “remember,” “tent,” and “restoration.”
Of course the gifts outlined in Moroni 10 are not the only gifts. The Spirit can grant any gift that
would fill a particular need, and so no exhaustive list is possible.vi As you discover your own
gift, consider the vast range them.
For example, did you know that enthusiasm is a gift? Elder L. Tom Perry once expressed, “I
think that the greatest talent that the Lord has blessed me with is enthusiasm.”vii
Elder Marvin J. Ashton delineated other gifts.viii Here are just a few from his list. See if you can
claim any for yourself:
• The gifts of asking, of listening, of being able to weep;
• The gifts of avoiding contention, of being agreeable, of avoiding vain repetition;
• The gifts of not passing judgment, of looking to God for guidance, of being able to
ponder.
Consider some more gifts. Do you have:
• The gift of being on time?
• The gift of writing thank-you notes?
• The gift of getting out of your comfort zone?
• The gift of being a conscientious visiting teacher?
• The gift of complimenting?
Let’s talk about the gift of complimenting for a minute. I’m sure that all of us love it when those
around us have this gift.
When I was growing up, part of each Family Home Evening was devoted to compliments. We
went around the living room and complimented family members who’d done something
significant that week. I might hear something like, “I’d like to compliment Barbara on being
positive; she completed the fourth-year hike without a single word of complaint,” or, “I’d like to
compliment David on being so diligent in both mowing and trimming the lawn without being
asked.”
This is a tradition that we’ve carried on in our home and that my married children also carry on
today. It’s our favorite time of the week. Some weeks we might not get a lesson, but we always
have compliments. How uplifting to receive sincere and thoughtful praise each Monday night
from those closest to us. Even better than that, as family members think through the week, they
appreciate the gifts of others. The blessing of our compliment time during Family Home Evening
5
is twofold: receiving compliments helps family members discover their gifts, and giving
compliments helps us all develop our gift of complimenting.
Now that we’ve talked about our first area—discovering gifts—let’s move to the second area,
developing gifts. Once you know that you have a particular gift, you are under divine mandate to
develop it.
I love the parable of the talents. Let’s review it using the New Testament Stories.
“A man gave his servants some talents. A talent is a piece of money. The man gave one servant
five talents . . . another servant two talents and a [third] servant one talent. Then the man went to
another land. The servant with five talents worked hard . . . and made five more talents. The
servant with two talents worked hard . . . and made two more talents. But the servant with one
talent was not like the other servants. He hid his talent. He buried it in the ground [because] he
was afraid he would lose it. The man came home. He asked the servants what they had done with
their talents.”
The first and second servants brought their talents—ten and four, respectively—to the man. The
man was happy. He said to each of them, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou has
been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of
the lord.”ix
“The third servant came to the man. He had only one talent. The man was not happy with the
servant. He called the servant ‘wicked and slothful’.x He took the talent and gave it to the servant
with ten talents and sent the lazy servant away.”
In this parable, “talent” refers to a piece of money, but how poignant the parable becomes when
we understand that it also refers to our aptitudes and gifts. In fact, the modern meaning of
“talent” is derived from this parable.xi I don’t know if you think that’s exciting or not, but
knowing how we get the word “talent” makes my interpretation-of-English gift tingle.
We should develop our gifts by sharing them. President Monson has admonished us with these
words: “Share your talents, for that which we willingly share, we keep. But that which we
selfishly keep, we lose.”xii
Let’s look for some practical application to President Monson’s words.
It isn’t enough to develop your painting skills and then keep your paintings in your closet so that
they can delight only you; you must display your paintings so that others can share in their
beauty.
It isn’t enough to study the scriptures and gain spiritual insights; you must communicate your
newfound knowledge with others perhaps in church meetings, around the dinner table, or in
letters to loved ones.
6
It isn’t enough to make delicious meals for your family; you must bless your children by
teaching them and others how to cook.
It isn’t enough to know that you have a mighty testimony; you must share that testimony to lift
others.
Developing and sharing your gift takes vigilance. A few months ago, a group of exceptional
graduate students applied for positions on the senior editorial board of a prestigious publication.
Because all of the candidates had excellent grades, the application asked them to identify unique
traits—gifts—that set them apart and qualified them for the editorial board. Among the
applicants were students with photographic memories, students with celebrated publishing
experience, and students with advanced scholarship and academic proficiency.
One application stood out. The candidate wrote, “I am approachable. I rarely take offense, I do
not hold grudges, I never raise my voice, I dislike gossip, and I can keep conversations in
confidence.”
Are you surprised to know that he got the position?
Now that he has it, that young man must be watchful to continue to develop these gifts. Having
recognized and stated that he never raises his voice, he must control his feelings even when the
editorial schedule gets stressful. He knows that he can keep conversations in confidence, and he
will develop his gift by teaching others to do the same.
Let’s move to our third area—honoring your gift. Once you have discovered your gift and are
working to develop it, how do you honor your gift? Let me illustrate honoring your gift with a
question and then a story.
Have you ever gotten out of bed Christmas morning, bubbling with excitement, only to return to
that same bed with a feeling of disappointment? I have. Let me tell you about my pogo-stick
Christmas.
One year as a young girl, I wanted a pogo stick for Christmas. I asked for a pogo stick for
Christmas, and I got a pogo stick for Christmas. It was beautiful, with long, colorful streamers
descending from the handlebars. At first it magically sparkled, propped up in the family room
next to my stocking. Yet also in the room were thrilling gifts for other family members—a
Lasting Curls Hairsetter with Beautifying Mist, Head 360 skis, the Carpenters’ Close to You
album. As others oohed and aahed over their Christmas gifts, somehow, my pogo stick didn’t
seem quite so enchanting.
Looking back, I hope that my parents thought my lack of enthusiasm was because of a driveway
full of snow. I hope they didn’t know that I was dissatisfied. As the youngest child, I didn’t feel
that my gift was quite as spectacular as the big-kids’. I professed excitement about the pogo stick
and halfheartedly displayed it in a corner of my room for a few days before carrying it out and
leaving it in the garage.
7
I didn’t honor my gift of a pogo stick on that Christmas, nor did I honor the givers, my parents.
Several months passed before I tried it out and discovered how fun it was to pogo up and down
the driveway. My parents had given me a wonderful gift, but during the winter season, I failed to
appreciate it because I found it lacking when weighed against other gifts.
When we fail to honor the gifts that our Heavenly Father has given us, we also fail to honor Him.
“For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?
Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver
of the gift.”xiii
You may feel that your gift of compassion pales in comparison to your neighbor’s gift of
wisdom. Could it be that your gift of organization isn’t as laudable as your sister’s gift of
energy? Not having your mother’s gift of baking or your daughter’s gift of friendliness might
make you feel inferior.
When we feel these very human feelings of envy, we must remember that, “All these gifts come
from God, for the benefit of the children of God.”xiv
All gifts are to benefit the children of God—and we are all children of God. “To some is given
one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.”xv
When you honor your gift, you appreciate it without comparing it.
Sometimes when I begin to feel envious of another’s gifts, I stop to think, “How is her gift
blessing me?” It might be a selfish thought, but it helps me to remember that through others, my
Heavenly Father blesses me.
For example, I have a brilliant brother. When Paul was young, he was given the gift of a
fascination for the human body. He has developed that gift with extensive schooling and decades
of practice as a surgeon. I could allow myself to feel inferior because I’m not as educated, nor
have I given the life-saving service that my brother has. Heavenly Father has blessed Paul with a
gift of medical expertise to bless His other children, including me. Paul’s gift blesses me in times
of illness and times of trauma, and his gift helps our family deal with an aging and ailing father.
Stop and think about the gifts of others in your life. Contemplate the gifts that Heavenly Father
has given by making a catalog of the ones you are personally a witness to and then determine
how those gifts bless your life. For me, Lenora’s gift of meticulousness forces my daughter to
mature into a precise pianist, which in turn blesses our home with beautiful music; Heather’s gift
of patience inspires me to “hold my horses” when I am too eager. Margaret’s gift of serenity
calms me, and Adam’s gift of laughter puts a smile on my face.
As we rejoice in our gifts and in the gifts of others, we honor the gifts and, more importantly, we
honor the giver. Recognizing and applauding the gifts that God has given to others is one way to
worship the Giver of all good gifts.
8
One afternoon I asked my high-school daughter, Whitney, how to rejoice in the success of others
rather than feeling inferior. Her answer was preposterously plain. She said, “Pray for the gift of
rejoicing in the success of others.” How profound! Did you know that there is such a gift? There
is, and I know someone who has it.
In 1995, vehicles sliding on icy, Idaho roads claimed the lives of five beautiful young people
while three others survived. Among the dead was my niece, 20-year-old Veniece Ricks. The
community mourned the loss of Veniece, Lisa, Lacey, Trudi and Shaun.
Veniece’s mother, Linda, has the gift of rejoicing in the success of others. To my amazement,
Linda absolutely rejoiced that three had survived the terrible collision. Even as her own heart
ached, she celebrated their survival. She exulted as each recovered, and she continues to delight
in their successes.
If Linda can rejoice in the good fortune of others even while at the funeral of her own daughter,
can’t we each rejoice when others succeed?
After discovering her gift of rejoicing in the success of others, and after years of developing it
through motherhood, Linda honored her god-given gift even when it was sorely tested. Like
Linda, Sir Ernest Shackleton honored his gifts in terribly unfortunate circumstances that he never
expected to encounter.
Despite his best plans, Shackleton never crossed the Antarctic continent; however, he will be
remembered for miraculously bringing 28 men safely home. When he landed on Elephant Island
to rescue the men who had been stranded there for 105 days, one said, “We knew you’d come
back.”xvi Shackleton’s men knew of the extraordinary gifts their leader had been blessed with,
and those gifts saved their lives.
Don’t fret over the gifts that you don’t have; focus on discovering, developing, and honoring the
gifts you do have, and then appropriately seek additional gifts that you will use to bless the lives
of God’s children.
Although we each have individual gifts, we can all share the greatest gift. If we keep the
commandments and endure to the end, we are promised eternal life, “which gift is the greatest of
all the gifts of God.”xvii
We can only receive this greatest gift—the gift of living with Heavenly Father forever—because
of the gift of the Atonement.
If you haven’t yet recognized and accepted the gift of the Savior’s Atonement, follow the three
steps that we’ve talked about today. Discover the gift of the Atonement by gaining a personal
testimony of the Savior. Develop the gift of the Atonement as you use it in your life by repenting
of misdeeds, by enduring life’s challenges, and by sharing the glorious news of the gospel.
Honor the gift of the Atonement by your gratitude to the Giver, by your service to His children,
and by recognizing that you have been ennobled by the Savior’s very personal and individual gift
to you.
9
How grateful I am for the gifts I”ve been blessed with, and how grateful I am for the gifts that
you have been blessed with. I’m especially grateful that I have the gift of knowing that Jesus is
the Christ and that His gospel is true.
i http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/shackleton/1914/alexandra2.html
ii D&C 46:7–8
iii Dallin H. Oaks, “Spiritual Gifts,” Ensign, Sep 1986, 68.
iv D&C 6:25
v “Lesson 19: Developing Our Talents,” Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood: Basic Manual
for Priesthood Holders, Part B, 172.
vi Encyclopedia of Mormonism, 544.
vii “Elder L. Tom Perry of the Council of the Twelve,” Ensign, May 1974, 120–21.
viii Marvin J. Ashton, “‘There Are Many Gifts,” Ensign, Nov 1987, 20.
ix Matthew 25:21.
x Matthew 25:26
xi http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=talent
xii Thomas S. Monson, “The Spirit of Relief Society,” Ensign, May 1992, 100.
xiiiD&C 88:33
xiv D&C 46:26
xv D&C 46:12
xvi Jennifer Armstrong, Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World, New York: Crown Publishers,
1998, 123.
xvii D&C 14:7
Elizabeth Ricks
______________________________________________________________________
This address was given Thursday, May 1, 2008, at the BYU Women’s Conference
© 2008 by Brigham Young University Women’s Conference. All rights reserved
For further information write:
BYU Women’s Conference
352 Harman Continuing Education Building
Provo, Utah 84602
801-422-7692
E-mail: womens_conference@byu.edu
Home page: http://womensconference.byu.edu
______________________________________________________________________
Between 1914 and 1916, Ernest Shackleton led the Endurance Expedition, attempting to cross
the Antarctic continent on foot. Although he failed to achieve his goal, he demonstrated
remarkable leadership. The ship Endurance became trapped in the frozen sea and was finally
crushed nine months later.
Trekking across ice and then rowing in lifeboats, Shackleton led his men to refuge on remote,
ice-covered Elephant Island. He left his men there while he sailed across 800 miles of open
ocean to get help. After 14 days at sea, he reached an island where he crossed brutal,
mountainous terrain and marshaled a ship. Four attempts later, Shackleton rescued his men.
Astonishingly, all 28 survived their ordeal after spending 22 months in the Antarctic.
Despite Shackleton’s notable leadership and tenacity, he unfortunately may not have recognized
many of his own gifts. He explained in a letter to his wife why he was an explorer. “I’m not
much good at anything else,”i he wrote. Perhaps too many of us are like Shackleton in that we
define our gifts by default.
Let’s not focus on what gifts we might not have, but let’s consider the gifts we do have. Think, “I
am a good neighbor, and I have the gift of empathy.” Think, “I am a preschool teacher, and I
have been blessed with the gift of singing silly songs.” Think, “I am a mother, and I have the gift
of nurturing.”
I would like to urge you to do three things:
• First, discover your gift;
• Second, develop your gift;
• and third, honor your gift.
First let’s talk about discovering our gifts. Do you know what gifts you have been blessed with?
If you’re thinking you don’t have a gift, reconsider. Let’s turn to the scriptures. Section 46 of the
Doctrine and Covenants is a wonderful dissertation on gifts. In verse 11, we read, “For all have
2
not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man [and every woman] is
given a gift by the Spirit of God.”
You have a gift; your challenge might be to discover it. One way to discover a gift is to actively
seek it. In this same section, we read, “Ye are commanded in all things to ask of God, who giveth
liberally . . . seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given.”ii
Elder Dallin H. Oaks has stated that we should desire and zealously seek spiritual gifts. He
reminds us that, “the receipt of spiritual gifts is predicated upon faith, obedience, and personal
righteousness.”iii
The Lord told Oliver Cowdery that if he desired it, he would be granted the gift to translate, even
as Joseph translated.iv
In the Book of Mormon, Nephi sought the gift of vision, and he was granted the glorious vision
of the Tree of Life.
President Heber J. Grant desired the gift of penmanship, and through perseverance, he received
and achieved that gift.v
Another way to discover your personal gifts is to study and ponder your patriarchal blessing. The
counsel given in your blessing can provide you with insight and inspiration.
My husband Lyndon’s patriarch grandfather gave him his patriarchal blessing when he was only
13 years old. In the following year, as Lyndon and his parents pondered the blessing, they
realized that the gifts enumerated in it weren’t consistent with Lyndon’s becoming a fourthgeneration
farmer. With his parents’ help, Lyndon sought ways to develop the gifts his inspired
blessing promised. Consequently, we don’t live on a farm today. We aren’t even very good at
growing zucchini, but Lyndon has successfully developed his non-agricultural gifts that were
identified in the blessing.
A most satisfying way to discover your gift is through personal revelation.
May I share with you the process that I went through to discover a spiritual gift:
Several years ago our bishopric was reorganized. There was a feeling of excitement during
sacrament meeting as we contemplated new calls we might serve in. I had served most of my life
in music callings and hoped that, for a change and for my own personal growth, I’d be called to
be a teacher. The next week, new presidencies in all of the auxiliaries were sustained. The week
after that, name after name was read as we sustained teachers, compassionate service leaders,
music directors, and so forth. I was beginning to feel sad because I hadn’t received a new calling.
My patriarchal blessing said that I was to fulfill “responsibilities in the activities of the Church,
especially among [the women] and among the younger generation,” but the Relief Society,
Young Women and Primary were fully staffed.
3
Nearly a month passed. I knew that the Lord loved me, but I felt hurt that I wasn’t being
entrusted with a calling. My sadness took me to my knees. I told my Father in Heaven that I had
a desire to serve and asked Him to quell my uneasy heart. Most of all, I asked Him to help me
feel of my own individual worth in His kingdom.
After my prayer I began my scripture study. That day I was at the end of the Book of Mormon,
and one of the passages in Moroni 10 was about spiritual gifts. I read the list of gifts, hoping to
receive the assurance of the Holy Spirit that one of them was mine.
Starting in verse nine, I read about teaching the word of wisdom and then the word of
knowledge. I hoped for the familiar feeling of the Spirit’s witness, but it didn’t come, so I read
on.
“Exceedingly great faith.” Not my gift.
“Healing,” “mighty miracles,” “prophesy.” Nope. Nope. Nope.
“The beholding of angels and ministering spirits.” That would have been exciting, but it wasn’t
my gift either.
As I finished verse 15—“And again, to another, all kinds of tongues”—I felt anxious, because
the list was coming to an end. I knew what the last gift was, and because I didn’t have the gift of
tongues, I knew that I wouldn’t have the gift of the interpretation of tongues. But not wanting to
be a quitter, I finished the list:, “And again, to another, the interpretation of languages and of
divers kinds of tongues.”
As soon as I read the words “the interpretation of languages,” my heart swelled. I experienced
that wonderful, tender feeling that I knew was the Holy Ghost. Puzzled, I spoke aloud, “the
interpretation of languages? Is that my gift?” Unmistakable warmth coursed through my veins.
I knelt down beside the couch and asked Heavenly Father to increase my understanding. In my
mind I heard the words, “You have the gift of the interpretation of languages, and the language
that you interpret is English.”
It sounds crazy to have a gift of interpreting your native language, doesn’t it? In the week that
followed throught the experience of discovering my gift of interpreting English, I realized that I
had loved and interpreted the English language for as long as I could remember. I loved rhyming,
writing, reading, and reciting. When I started college, I shocked my piano teacher by declaring
an English major rather than a music major. I enjoyed the classes that led to my degree in
English. I still love placing apostrophes, finding symbolism, and looking for patterns and insights
in stories.
As you might guess, the next week, a member of the bishopric came and called me to be a
Sunday School teacher, a calling that I held for over six years and absolutely loved.
4
As I embarked on the calling, I wasn’t sure that I had the gift of teaching—even though I wanted
it—but I knew I had the gift of the interpretation of English. Knowing that I had the ability to
understand the original language of the latter-day scriptures, I set out to help my ward members
appreciate these holy words in a way consistent with my gift. They may not have learned much
about history or geography, but they certainly learned the intricacies and importance of words
such as “remember,” “tent,” and “restoration.”
Of course the gifts outlined in Moroni 10 are not the only gifts. The Spirit can grant any gift that
would fill a particular need, and so no exhaustive list is possible.vi As you discover your own
gift, consider the vast range them.
For example, did you know that enthusiasm is a gift? Elder L. Tom Perry once expressed, “I
think that the greatest talent that the Lord has blessed me with is enthusiasm.”vii
Elder Marvin J. Ashton delineated other gifts.viii Here are just a few from his list. See if you can
claim any for yourself:
• The gifts of asking, of listening, of being able to weep;
• The gifts of avoiding contention, of being agreeable, of avoiding vain repetition;
• The gifts of not passing judgment, of looking to God for guidance, of being able to
ponder.
Consider some more gifts. Do you have:
• The gift of being on time?
• The gift of writing thank-you notes?
• The gift of getting out of your comfort zone?
• The gift of being a conscientious visiting teacher?
• The gift of complimenting?
Let’s talk about the gift of complimenting for a minute. I’m sure that all of us love it when those
around us have this gift.
When I was growing up, part of each Family Home Evening was devoted to compliments. We
went around the living room and complimented family members who’d done something
significant that week. I might hear something like, “I’d like to compliment Barbara on being
positive; she completed the fourth-year hike without a single word of complaint,” or, “I’d like to
compliment David on being so diligent in both mowing and trimming the lawn without being
asked.”
This is a tradition that we’ve carried on in our home and that my married children also carry on
today. It’s our favorite time of the week. Some weeks we might not get a lesson, but we always
have compliments. How uplifting to receive sincere and thoughtful praise each Monday night
from those closest to us. Even better than that, as family members think through the week, they
appreciate the gifts of others. The blessing of our compliment time during Family Home Evening
5
is twofold: receiving compliments helps family members discover their gifts, and giving
compliments helps us all develop our gift of complimenting.
Now that we’ve talked about our first area—discovering gifts—let’s move to the second area,
developing gifts. Once you know that you have a particular gift, you are under divine mandate to
develop it.
I love the parable of the talents. Let’s review it using the New Testament Stories.
“A man gave his servants some talents. A talent is a piece of money. The man gave one servant
five talents . . . another servant two talents and a [third] servant one talent. Then the man went to
another land. The servant with five talents worked hard . . . and made five more talents. The
servant with two talents worked hard . . . and made two more talents. But the servant with one
talent was not like the other servants. He hid his talent. He buried it in the ground [because] he
was afraid he would lose it. The man came home. He asked the servants what they had done with
their talents.”
The first and second servants brought their talents—ten and four, respectively—to the man. The
man was happy. He said to each of them, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou has
been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of
the lord.”ix
“The third servant came to the man. He had only one talent. The man was not happy with the
servant. He called the servant ‘wicked and slothful’.x He took the talent and gave it to the servant
with ten talents and sent the lazy servant away.”
In this parable, “talent” refers to a piece of money, but how poignant the parable becomes when
we understand that it also refers to our aptitudes and gifts. In fact, the modern meaning of
“talent” is derived from this parable.xi I don’t know if you think that’s exciting or not, but
knowing how we get the word “talent” makes my interpretation-of-English gift tingle.
We should develop our gifts by sharing them. President Monson has admonished us with these
words: “Share your talents, for that which we willingly share, we keep. But that which we
selfishly keep, we lose.”xii
Let’s look for some practical application to President Monson’s words.
It isn’t enough to develop your painting skills and then keep your paintings in your closet so that
they can delight only you; you must display your paintings so that others can share in their
beauty.
It isn’t enough to study the scriptures and gain spiritual insights; you must communicate your
newfound knowledge with others perhaps in church meetings, around the dinner table, or in
letters to loved ones.
6
It isn’t enough to make delicious meals for your family; you must bless your children by
teaching them and others how to cook.
It isn’t enough to know that you have a mighty testimony; you must share that testimony to lift
others.
Developing and sharing your gift takes vigilance. A few months ago, a group of exceptional
graduate students applied for positions on the senior editorial board of a prestigious publication.
Because all of the candidates had excellent grades, the application asked them to identify unique
traits—gifts—that set them apart and qualified them for the editorial board. Among the
applicants were students with photographic memories, students with celebrated publishing
experience, and students with advanced scholarship and academic proficiency.
One application stood out. The candidate wrote, “I am approachable. I rarely take offense, I do
not hold grudges, I never raise my voice, I dislike gossip, and I can keep conversations in
confidence.”
Are you surprised to know that he got the position?
Now that he has it, that young man must be watchful to continue to develop these gifts. Having
recognized and stated that he never raises his voice, he must control his feelings even when the
editorial schedule gets stressful. He knows that he can keep conversations in confidence, and he
will develop his gift by teaching others to do the same.
Let’s move to our third area—honoring your gift. Once you have discovered your gift and are
working to develop it, how do you honor your gift? Let me illustrate honoring your gift with a
question and then a story.
Have you ever gotten out of bed Christmas morning, bubbling with excitement, only to return to
that same bed with a feeling of disappointment? I have. Let me tell you about my pogo-stick
Christmas.
One year as a young girl, I wanted a pogo stick for Christmas. I asked for a pogo stick for
Christmas, and I got a pogo stick for Christmas. It was beautiful, with long, colorful streamers
descending from the handlebars. At first it magically sparkled, propped up in the family room
next to my stocking. Yet also in the room were thrilling gifts for other family members—a
Lasting Curls Hairsetter with Beautifying Mist, Head 360 skis, the Carpenters’ Close to You
album. As others oohed and aahed over their Christmas gifts, somehow, my pogo stick didn’t
seem quite so enchanting.
Looking back, I hope that my parents thought my lack of enthusiasm was because of a driveway
full of snow. I hope they didn’t know that I was dissatisfied. As the youngest child, I didn’t feel
that my gift was quite as spectacular as the big-kids’. I professed excitement about the pogo stick
and halfheartedly displayed it in a corner of my room for a few days before carrying it out and
leaving it in the garage.
7
I didn’t honor my gift of a pogo stick on that Christmas, nor did I honor the givers, my parents.
Several months passed before I tried it out and discovered how fun it was to pogo up and down
the driveway. My parents had given me a wonderful gift, but during the winter season, I failed to
appreciate it because I found it lacking when weighed against other gifts.
When we fail to honor the gifts that our Heavenly Father has given us, we also fail to honor Him.
“For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?
Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver
of the gift.”xiii
You may feel that your gift of compassion pales in comparison to your neighbor’s gift of
wisdom. Could it be that your gift of organization isn’t as laudable as your sister’s gift of
energy? Not having your mother’s gift of baking or your daughter’s gift of friendliness might
make you feel inferior.
When we feel these very human feelings of envy, we must remember that, “All these gifts come
from God, for the benefit of the children of God.”xiv
All gifts are to benefit the children of God—and we are all children of God. “To some is given
one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.”xv
When you honor your gift, you appreciate it without comparing it.
Sometimes when I begin to feel envious of another’s gifts, I stop to think, “How is her gift
blessing me?” It might be a selfish thought, but it helps me to remember that through others, my
Heavenly Father blesses me.
For example, I have a brilliant brother. When Paul was young, he was given the gift of a
fascination for the human body. He has developed that gift with extensive schooling and decades
of practice as a surgeon. I could allow myself to feel inferior because I’m not as educated, nor
have I given the life-saving service that my brother has. Heavenly Father has blessed Paul with a
gift of medical expertise to bless His other children, including me. Paul’s gift blesses me in times
of illness and times of trauma, and his gift helps our family deal with an aging and ailing father.
Stop and think about the gifts of others in your life. Contemplate the gifts that Heavenly Father
has given by making a catalog of the ones you are personally a witness to and then determine
how those gifts bless your life. For me, Lenora’s gift of meticulousness forces my daughter to
mature into a precise pianist, which in turn blesses our home with beautiful music; Heather’s gift
of patience inspires me to “hold my horses” when I am too eager. Margaret’s gift of serenity
calms me, and Adam’s gift of laughter puts a smile on my face.
As we rejoice in our gifts and in the gifts of others, we honor the gifts and, more importantly, we
honor the giver. Recognizing and applauding the gifts that God has given to others is one way to
worship the Giver of all good gifts.
8
One afternoon I asked my high-school daughter, Whitney, how to rejoice in the success of others
rather than feeling inferior. Her answer was preposterously plain. She said, “Pray for the gift of
rejoicing in the success of others.” How profound! Did you know that there is such a gift? There
is, and I know someone who has it.
In 1995, vehicles sliding on icy, Idaho roads claimed the lives of five beautiful young people
while three others survived. Among the dead was my niece, 20-year-old Veniece Ricks. The
community mourned the loss of Veniece, Lisa, Lacey, Trudi and Shaun.
Veniece’s mother, Linda, has the gift of rejoicing in the success of others. To my amazement,
Linda absolutely rejoiced that three had survived the terrible collision. Even as her own heart
ached, she celebrated their survival. She exulted as each recovered, and she continues to delight
in their successes.
If Linda can rejoice in the good fortune of others even while at the funeral of her own daughter,
can’t we each rejoice when others succeed?
After discovering her gift of rejoicing in the success of others, and after years of developing it
through motherhood, Linda honored her god-given gift even when it was sorely tested. Like
Linda, Sir Ernest Shackleton honored his gifts in terribly unfortunate circumstances that he never
expected to encounter.
Despite his best plans, Shackleton never crossed the Antarctic continent; however, he will be
remembered for miraculously bringing 28 men safely home. When he landed on Elephant Island
to rescue the men who had been stranded there for 105 days, one said, “We knew you’d come
back.”xvi Shackleton’s men knew of the extraordinary gifts their leader had been blessed with,
and those gifts saved their lives.
Don’t fret over the gifts that you don’t have; focus on discovering, developing, and honoring the
gifts you do have, and then appropriately seek additional gifts that you will use to bless the lives
of God’s children.
Although we each have individual gifts, we can all share the greatest gift. If we keep the
commandments and endure to the end, we are promised eternal life, “which gift is the greatest of
all the gifts of God.”xvii
We can only receive this greatest gift—the gift of living with Heavenly Father forever—because
of the gift of the Atonement.
If you haven’t yet recognized and accepted the gift of the Savior’s Atonement, follow the three
steps that we’ve talked about today. Discover the gift of the Atonement by gaining a personal
testimony of the Savior. Develop the gift of the Atonement as you use it in your life by repenting
of misdeeds, by enduring life’s challenges, and by sharing the glorious news of the gospel.
Honor the gift of the Atonement by your gratitude to the Giver, by your service to His children,
and by recognizing that you have been ennobled by the Savior’s very personal and individual gift
to you.
9
How grateful I am for the gifts I”ve been blessed with, and how grateful I am for the gifts that
you have been blessed with. I’m especially grateful that I have the gift of knowing that Jesus is
the Christ and that His gospel is true.
i http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/shackleton/1914/alexandra2.html
ii D&C 46:7–8
iii Dallin H. Oaks, “Spiritual Gifts,” Ensign, Sep 1986, 68.
iv D&C 6:25
v “Lesson 19: Developing Our Talents,” Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood: Basic Manual
for Priesthood Holders, Part B, 172.
vi Encyclopedia of Mormonism, 544.
vii “Elder L. Tom Perry of the Council of the Twelve,” Ensign, May 1974, 120–21.
viii Marvin J. Ashton, “‘There Are Many Gifts,” Ensign, Nov 1987, 20.
ix Matthew 25:21.
x Matthew 25:26
xi http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=talent
xii Thomas S. Monson, “The Spirit of Relief Society,” Ensign, May 1992, 100.
xiiiD&C 88:33
xiv D&C 46:26
xv D&C 46:12
xvi Jennifer Armstrong, Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World, New York: Crown Publishers,
1998, 123.
xvii D&C 14:7
reading Discover, Develop and Honor Your Gifts
Kind words can be short & easy to speak, but their echos are truly endless.-"Mother Theresa"
Reading Discover, Develop and Honor Your Gifts by Elizabeth Ricks
touched me deeply this morning. “The gift of complimenting,” now isn’t that a gift that we all hunger to be the benefactor of. I recently renewed a friendship with a high school acquaintance and I have realized one of the factors that make him special in my eyes is/are his specific articulate compliments. He has a kind heart which makes every interaction with him a blessing. One memory that popped into my head was sitting next to him in his parent’s living room. His little precocious adorable sister began telling us something and I began to laugh in delight. He quickly touched my leg and whispered "don’t laugh." I stopped immediately chagrined that my joyful noise could have been misinterpreted as mockery. The cute little sister might of thought I was laughing at her. How perceptive of him to know his little sister so well; to see in her heart and warn me to protect her. Contrast that with another young man I knew in high school.
One day he barged out of a classroom with gusto. The heavy metal door had no window and opened outward so there was great danger of smacking someone walking by in the hallway. This particular day it just happened to be his sister and I who were passing by. The door smashed his sister’s arm. I thought the arm might have been broken because the impact was so hard. What did he do? He high fived his friend, jumped in the air like he had just thrown the winning touchdown and ran off down the hall saying something like “wow, what perfect aim, what fantastic timing.” I remember him with loathing to this day. He turned out, no surprise, to be an unkind and cheating husband. I wonder how his third wife is doing….?
Oh dear, I am digressing from my topic, which is spiritual gifts and the blessing they bring to our lives when acquaintances develop them.
Another person I know has many gifts. The one most people admire is his gift of tongues. He is the only person I have ever met who has studied more than 50 languages. He collects learn-a-language tapes like some people collect coins or antiques. It was his kind heart or firstly his sister’s kind heart that attracted me to him at first. Then his dancing, musical, radio announcing and personable skills became enticing because I knew he was kind.
Someone blesses my life with his gifts of administration and leadership.
I greatly admire the gift of humor. And the ability to not take oneself too seriously. I have felt joy when friends have helped me see the funny side of life.
A worthy honest non-hypocritical ordained Bishop I know gives wise counsel that has blessed many troubled souls. I have been blessed because he can hear God’s voice and give priesthood blessings that are powerful, clear and precise. He literally has saved my life through his inspirational care.
What talents do I covet? What gifts do you? It is something to jot down and think about from time to time. And work on and honor! Then share as President Thomas S. Monson so ably admonished us with these words
“Share your talents, for that which we willingly share, we keep. But that which we selfishly keep, we lose.”-“The Spirit of Relief Society”, Ensign, May 1992, 101.
Reading Discover, Develop and Honor Your Gifts by Elizabeth Ricks
touched me deeply this morning. “The gift of complimenting,” now isn’t that a gift that we all hunger to be the benefactor of. I recently renewed a friendship with a high school acquaintance and I have realized one of the factors that make him special in my eyes is/are his specific articulate compliments. He has a kind heart which makes every interaction with him a blessing. One memory that popped into my head was sitting next to him in his parent’s living room. His little precocious adorable sister began telling us something and I began to laugh in delight. He quickly touched my leg and whispered "don’t laugh." I stopped immediately chagrined that my joyful noise could have been misinterpreted as mockery. The cute little sister might of thought I was laughing at her. How perceptive of him to know his little sister so well; to see in her heart and warn me to protect her. Contrast that with another young man I knew in high school.
One day he barged out of a classroom with gusto. The heavy metal door had no window and opened outward so there was great danger of smacking someone walking by in the hallway. This particular day it just happened to be his sister and I who were passing by. The door smashed his sister’s arm. I thought the arm might have been broken because the impact was so hard. What did he do? He high fived his friend, jumped in the air like he had just thrown the winning touchdown and ran off down the hall saying something like “wow, what perfect aim, what fantastic timing.” I remember him with loathing to this day. He turned out, no surprise, to be an unkind and cheating husband. I wonder how his third wife is doing….?
Oh dear, I am digressing from my topic, which is spiritual gifts and the blessing they bring to our lives when acquaintances develop them.
Another person I know has many gifts. The one most people admire is his gift of tongues. He is the only person I have ever met who has studied more than 50 languages. He collects learn-a-language tapes like some people collect coins or antiques. It was his kind heart or firstly his sister’s kind heart that attracted me to him at first. Then his dancing, musical, radio announcing and personable skills became enticing because I knew he was kind.
Someone blesses my life with his gifts of administration and leadership.
I greatly admire the gift of humor. And the ability to not take oneself too seriously. I have felt joy when friends have helped me see the funny side of life.
A worthy honest non-hypocritical ordained Bishop I know gives wise counsel that has blessed many troubled souls. I have been blessed because he can hear God’s voice and give priesthood blessings that are powerful, clear and precise. He literally has saved my life through his inspirational care.
What talents do I covet? What gifts do you? It is something to jot down and think about from time to time. And work on and honor! Then share as President Thomas S. Monson so ably admonished us with these words
“Share your talents, for that which we willingly share, we keep. But that which we selfishly keep, we lose.”-“The Spirit of Relief Society”, Ensign, May 1992, 101.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
How I do
How I Do by Jon Armstrong from his blog http://blurbomat.com/archives/2007/12/20/how-i-do/
December 20th, 2007
Several of you have made the request over the years that I share my perspectives on living with someone who has chronic depression. I’ve been reluctant to share for many reasons. The biggest reason I haven’t is that part of living with someone who can spiral downward and inward means that I have to be careful about what I say and do. If the fire is raging, you don’t throw fuel on it or add gunpowder to it. Day to day, I’m probably being overly cautious. During stressful times of the year or during stressful events, those days where I need to be careful are more frequent. It seems like we’ve barely been able to catch our breath until very recently and now it is holiday season. Which, as you are aware, contains no stress at all.
Fixing It by Not Fixing It
As a heterosexual man attracted to a woman, I have a range of emotions and ways of dealing with whatever life throws my way. One of those things is to look at a problem and want to fix it. Men like to be fixers, for the most part, and this is great for things like a clogged drain or dead car battery. Also great if the satellite dish isn’t picking up the latest “Nature is Sad” show on the educational channel because it’s buried in snow. It is not so great if your partner needs for you to help her by listening.
I’m not certain this is entirely gender-related, as I’m certain it is just as likely that a woman can be a fixer as well. It just keeps coming up for me that I can’t fix it and I need to shut up and listen. Almost two years ago, Leah Crawford interviewed me for her site, Leahpeah and asked me how Heather’s illness had affected my life. I wrote then that people in relationships, particularly the man, often have a strong desire to fix things. What I neglected to say then is that one of the best ways to help somebody is to shut up and listen. This is extraordinarily difficult for me as a talker. I’ve really had to stop myself and let it go. I have to tell myself that I need to LISTEN and to tell myself to SHUT UP. It’s doubly important when somebody is anxious or depressed and needs to get it out. I have only met a few men who are great listeners, and those were professionals I was paying to listen.
So. Listen.
Stress Management & Meds
In our case, Heather handles stress very differently than most people I know. She is a master internalizer and the whiff of brooding energy she emits outward is usually an indication that there is a much larger inner storm raging. I’ll usually try to get a calm moment when just the two of us can talk and I’ll have to ask her about five or six times if something is wrong or if she needs to talk. Having lived with her for awhile now, I can say that I can see this coming a few days off. Especially given some of the big things we’ve done in the past two years. Starting a business, selling our house by ourselves, moving, her projects, professional and occupational stress, etc. have all proven to be major stressors. I view my role as to simultaneously get things done and listen when called upon. I don’t regret this role, and I don’t begrudge it. I view every conversation as a chance to learn something new. And a chance for me to tell myself to listen.
As part of intense stress periods, I always have to ask, sometimes repeatedly, about medication levels. The professionals who successfully treated Heather for post-partum depression came up with a drug cocktail that saved Heather’s life. It’s my job to help her stay on those meds and help her assess whether or not they are working like they did in 2004. This will be an ongoing thing for the rest of her life. There are good days around the prescription discussion and not so good days. As with all chronic medication consumption, it is only natural to assume that one feels better and can taper off the meds. There have been several instances where I’ve noticed a higher state of anxiety and a certain tone in conversation, a withdrawal or unusual comment from Heather and felt the need to bring up medication as a state of emergency. Luckily, Heather responds and if she has changed her dosage, after we discuss (sometimes more pointedly than others) she takes it back to the levels that were prescribed. When the meds kick in, it’s like I’m living with the Heather who can cope and get through life. If she’s changed her meds, it’s not pretty. The stress on me during these times builds and builds. I have to be careful in how I release that stress. I also have to make time for me. I have had to learn that most of what is bothering Heather has nothing to do with me or our relationship. It has to do with her internalizing stress and how she deals with life when it gets overwhelming. To be sure, there are those times when I’ve done something wrong or I’m not doing enough or I’m caught up in a project and it causes friction. Just like every other relationship.
Our life is such that we must become adept at crisis management. Home ownership, parenthood and business ownership means that things are going to happen, sometimes all at once. I have to be in a good place to have a clear head to deal with whatever life is going to throw at me. This is not easy. I do a lot of self talk (sometimes freaking Heather out) to either practice conversations I need to have or help me work through a situation. I also have to be strong and assertive most of the time or else I’ll be blown over by the power of the illness.
I have to have a good amount of sleep to face the next day. I get this by taking an antihistamine that helps me sleep and dries out my perpetually runny nose. Side effect: used to be prescribed as a mild anti-depressant. Getting enough sleep makes it so much easier to listen and/or take over if Heather can’t function.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m always open to trying medication if I think I need it. Heather has suggested I try a few things in the past, but I’ve so far not had a steady course of anti-depressants. Typically, getting enough sleep, changing my life (sometimes with talk therapy) and managing my stress have helped me through the hardest of times. If I’m being a jerk, no medication is going to fix that. I have to recognize I’m being a jerk and work on it. I think everybody on the planet goes through jerk phases and being aware is the beginning to living a life that is less difficult on those around us.
Openness Leads to Success
I have to be open. Being raised as I was and given my own propensities, this is extremely difficult for me. I have admired Heather’s openness and willingness to share, but there is always that part of me that worries if there will be a cost later. I can’t decide if I was meant to be a risk management assessor, tin foil proponent or character in either an E.M. Forster or M. Somerset Maugham novel.
Talk therapy has been something that has saved me, saved my relationship with Heather and made our lives together stronger. It is hard work and difficult to hear and learn things about oneself, but I believe that every single person on the planet would benefit from talk therapy. Maybe one doesn’t need it all the time, but I view it as something that I can turn to and use to help navigate through life. I don’t think that because I’m living with Heather, I’ll do more therapy because of her illness. I need it for myself and together, we’ll need it for our relationship. It’s not weak or lame to face ones issues. It’s not strong to live in denial. It’s not strong to live in fear of talking about the dynamics of how we process life events or why we react the way we do. I only wish I had sought therapy after my father died and that in my first marriage, I had sought therapy earlier. I’m not sure that my life would be different, but perhaps better. I’m very happy now, and I love where I am, both professionally and personally. Most importantly, for Leta, I love where we are. She needs happy and healthy parents.
As with any chronic illness, any form of treatment needs to be done carefully and with supervision from professionals. I can’t stress enough how lucky we have been to have had doctors willing to try certain combinations of medicines. We’ve taken it into our own hands in the past and sought different doctors when it was clear that Heather was responding to medicine or a particular doctor has a propensity for a certain diagnosis or treatment that wasn’t helping. The saddest part of treating depression is that most doctors want to ramp up the medicine (for good reason) and it’s very difficult to see a response sometimes. I wish there were a better way to deliver a clinical dosage of meds on an outpatient basis. Most of my experience in this area comes from watching Heather start a medicine for a few weeks and have it either make her worse or have no effect. In order to deliver the dosage and right cocktail, Heather had to be in a hospital/facility where she could be monitored. There was no ramping up. And that is exactly what Heather needed.
One of the biggest and most detrimental side effects to being a partner of someone with a mental illness is that there is the impulse to not share the hard stuff with them for fear they can’t handle it. Likely corollary to that is that the disease is a part of our relationship, meaning it needs its own space. The meds and therapy continue to help, but the disease is always there. I have to be aware of those times where nearly every exchange, every gesture and every non-verbal cue is related to the illness in some way. This adds a burden to any relationship and ours is no different. One of the hardest things to write, is that Heather’s illness means that sometimes she can’t be there for me in a way that I need her to be. I learned this early on, but I still have a hard time making room in our relationship for the largest side effect on me of her illness. It’s not maliciousness on her part. It’s not ignorance. It’s that the disease is all-consuming. I do stand up for myself and I have to be more verbal than I’ve ever been about stating clearly that I need her or I’m having a rough day. Fortunately, those times are fewer as things have smoothed out career-wise and I’ve learned how to tell her that I’m struggling or I need to talk.
In every relationship there is work to be done. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are people who are likely to be better suited for one another, but there is no magic. While this post might sound like it’s not worth it or that Heather and I are having problems, I should clarify that it’s not like that. If I didn’t care about Heather, or wasn’t willing to do the work that a relationship demands, I’d be worse off in my life. Living with Heather is worth it. I’m in love with her and willing. I feel that she shares this feeling about me and that makes all of this so much easier to live with and deal with. In my past, I’ve shied away from doing the hard work in a relationship and in looking back using talk-therapy and a few great therapists, I’ve been able to see that my own laziness and unwillingness to work has harmed myself and others. I’d be a fool if I didn’t take what I’ve learned from therapy and apply it to the best relationship I’ve ever known.
Get Help
To the people out there who denigrate mental health awareness and treatment, I say this: You aren’t helping. You are making it worse. Stop being an arrogant know-it-all. You aren’t right. You are wrong. If someone tells you they need help, your opinion means less than that of professionals. Stop being ignorant. Stop being obstinate. Stop insisting that your loved one, partner, child or co-worker “get over it”. They won’t get over it until you let it go and encourage them to seek help. There are many different approaches and ways to treat mental diseases and conditions. The first step is letting go. You could probably use some time talking it out yourself. o
December 20th, 2007
Several of you have made the request over the years that I share my perspectives on living with someone who has chronic depression. I’ve been reluctant to share for many reasons. The biggest reason I haven’t is that part of living with someone who can spiral downward and inward means that I have to be careful about what I say and do. If the fire is raging, you don’t throw fuel on it or add gunpowder to it. Day to day, I’m probably being overly cautious. During stressful times of the year or during stressful events, those days where I need to be careful are more frequent. It seems like we’ve barely been able to catch our breath until very recently and now it is holiday season. Which, as you are aware, contains no stress at all.
Fixing It by Not Fixing It
As a heterosexual man attracted to a woman, I have a range of emotions and ways of dealing with whatever life throws my way. One of those things is to look at a problem and want to fix it. Men like to be fixers, for the most part, and this is great for things like a clogged drain or dead car battery. Also great if the satellite dish isn’t picking up the latest “Nature is Sad” show on the educational channel because it’s buried in snow. It is not so great if your partner needs for you to help her by listening.
I’m not certain this is entirely gender-related, as I’m certain it is just as likely that a woman can be a fixer as well. It just keeps coming up for me that I can’t fix it and I need to shut up and listen. Almost two years ago, Leah Crawford interviewed me for her site, Leahpeah and asked me how Heather’s illness had affected my life. I wrote then that people in relationships, particularly the man, often have a strong desire to fix things. What I neglected to say then is that one of the best ways to help somebody is to shut up and listen. This is extraordinarily difficult for me as a talker. I’ve really had to stop myself and let it go. I have to tell myself that I need to LISTEN and to tell myself to SHUT UP. It’s doubly important when somebody is anxious or depressed and needs to get it out. I have only met a few men who are great listeners, and those were professionals I was paying to listen.
So. Listen.
Stress Management & Meds
In our case, Heather handles stress very differently than most people I know. She is a master internalizer and the whiff of brooding energy she emits outward is usually an indication that there is a much larger inner storm raging. I’ll usually try to get a calm moment when just the two of us can talk and I’ll have to ask her about five or six times if something is wrong or if she needs to talk. Having lived with her for awhile now, I can say that I can see this coming a few days off. Especially given some of the big things we’ve done in the past two years. Starting a business, selling our house by ourselves, moving, her projects, professional and occupational stress, etc. have all proven to be major stressors. I view my role as to simultaneously get things done and listen when called upon. I don’t regret this role, and I don’t begrudge it. I view every conversation as a chance to learn something new. And a chance for me to tell myself to listen.
As part of intense stress periods, I always have to ask, sometimes repeatedly, about medication levels. The professionals who successfully treated Heather for post-partum depression came up with a drug cocktail that saved Heather’s life. It’s my job to help her stay on those meds and help her assess whether or not they are working like they did in 2004. This will be an ongoing thing for the rest of her life. There are good days around the prescription discussion and not so good days. As with all chronic medication consumption, it is only natural to assume that one feels better and can taper off the meds. There have been several instances where I’ve noticed a higher state of anxiety and a certain tone in conversation, a withdrawal or unusual comment from Heather and felt the need to bring up medication as a state of emergency. Luckily, Heather responds and if she has changed her dosage, after we discuss (sometimes more pointedly than others) she takes it back to the levels that were prescribed. When the meds kick in, it’s like I’m living with the Heather who can cope and get through life. If she’s changed her meds, it’s not pretty. The stress on me during these times builds and builds. I have to be careful in how I release that stress. I also have to make time for me. I have had to learn that most of what is bothering Heather has nothing to do with me or our relationship. It has to do with her internalizing stress and how she deals with life when it gets overwhelming. To be sure, there are those times when I’ve done something wrong or I’m not doing enough or I’m caught up in a project and it causes friction. Just like every other relationship.
Our life is such that we must become adept at crisis management. Home ownership, parenthood and business ownership means that things are going to happen, sometimes all at once. I have to be in a good place to have a clear head to deal with whatever life is going to throw at me. This is not easy. I do a lot of self talk (sometimes freaking Heather out) to either practice conversations I need to have or help me work through a situation. I also have to be strong and assertive most of the time or else I’ll be blown over by the power of the illness.
I have to have a good amount of sleep to face the next day. I get this by taking an antihistamine that helps me sleep and dries out my perpetually runny nose. Side effect: used to be prescribed as a mild anti-depressant. Getting enough sleep makes it so much easier to listen and/or take over if Heather can’t function.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m always open to trying medication if I think I need it. Heather has suggested I try a few things in the past, but I’ve so far not had a steady course of anti-depressants. Typically, getting enough sleep, changing my life (sometimes with talk therapy) and managing my stress have helped me through the hardest of times. If I’m being a jerk, no medication is going to fix that. I have to recognize I’m being a jerk and work on it. I think everybody on the planet goes through jerk phases and being aware is the beginning to living a life that is less difficult on those around us.
Openness Leads to Success
I have to be open. Being raised as I was and given my own propensities, this is extremely difficult for me. I have admired Heather’s openness and willingness to share, but there is always that part of me that worries if there will be a cost later. I can’t decide if I was meant to be a risk management assessor, tin foil proponent or character in either an E.M. Forster or M. Somerset Maugham novel.
Talk therapy has been something that has saved me, saved my relationship with Heather and made our lives together stronger. It is hard work and difficult to hear and learn things about oneself, but I believe that every single person on the planet would benefit from talk therapy. Maybe one doesn’t need it all the time, but I view it as something that I can turn to and use to help navigate through life. I don’t think that because I’m living with Heather, I’ll do more therapy because of her illness. I need it for myself and together, we’ll need it for our relationship. It’s not weak or lame to face ones issues. It’s not strong to live in denial. It’s not strong to live in fear of talking about the dynamics of how we process life events or why we react the way we do. I only wish I had sought therapy after my father died and that in my first marriage, I had sought therapy earlier. I’m not sure that my life would be different, but perhaps better. I’m very happy now, and I love where I am, both professionally and personally. Most importantly, for Leta, I love where we are. She needs happy and healthy parents.
As with any chronic illness, any form of treatment needs to be done carefully and with supervision from professionals. I can’t stress enough how lucky we have been to have had doctors willing to try certain combinations of medicines. We’ve taken it into our own hands in the past and sought different doctors when it was clear that Heather was responding to medicine or a particular doctor has a propensity for a certain diagnosis or treatment that wasn’t helping. The saddest part of treating depression is that most doctors want to ramp up the medicine (for good reason) and it’s very difficult to see a response sometimes. I wish there were a better way to deliver a clinical dosage of meds on an outpatient basis. Most of my experience in this area comes from watching Heather start a medicine for a few weeks and have it either make her worse or have no effect. In order to deliver the dosage and right cocktail, Heather had to be in a hospital/facility where she could be monitored. There was no ramping up. And that is exactly what Heather needed.
One of the biggest and most detrimental side effects to being a partner of someone with a mental illness is that there is the impulse to not share the hard stuff with them for fear they can’t handle it. Likely corollary to that is that the disease is a part of our relationship, meaning it needs its own space. The meds and therapy continue to help, but the disease is always there. I have to be aware of those times where nearly every exchange, every gesture and every non-verbal cue is related to the illness in some way. This adds a burden to any relationship and ours is no different. One of the hardest things to write, is that Heather’s illness means that sometimes she can’t be there for me in a way that I need her to be. I learned this early on, but I still have a hard time making room in our relationship for the largest side effect on me of her illness. It’s not maliciousness on her part. It’s not ignorance. It’s that the disease is all-consuming. I do stand up for myself and I have to be more verbal than I’ve ever been about stating clearly that I need her or I’m having a rough day. Fortunately, those times are fewer as things have smoothed out career-wise and I’ve learned how to tell her that I’m struggling or I need to talk.
In every relationship there is work to be done. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are people who are likely to be better suited for one another, but there is no magic. While this post might sound like it’s not worth it or that Heather and I are having problems, I should clarify that it’s not like that. If I didn’t care about Heather, or wasn’t willing to do the work that a relationship demands, I’d be worse off in my life. Living with Heather is worth it. I’m in love with her and willing. I feel that she shares this feeling about me and that makes all of this so much easier to live with and deal with. In my past, I’ve shied away from doing the hard work in a relationship and in looking back using talk-therapy and a few great therapists, I’ve been able to see that my own laziness and unwillingness to work has harmed myself and others. I’d be a fool if I didn’t take what I’ve learned from therapy and apply it to the best relationship I’ve ever known.
Get Help
To the people out there who denigrate mental health awareness and treatment, I say this: You aren’t helping. You are making it worse. Stop being an arrogant know-it-all. You aren’t right. You are wrong. If someone tells you they need help, your opinion means less than that of professionals. Stop being ignorant. Stop being obstinate. Stop insisting that your loved one, partner, child or co-worker “get over it”. They won’t get over it until you let it go and encourage them to seek help. There are many different approaches and ways to treat mental diseases and conditions. The first step is letting go. You could probably use some time talking it out yourself. o
CIA Woman Finds Needed Peace in Gospel
CIA Woman Finds Needed Peace in Gospel
Kedrik Hamblin - LDS Living
________________________________________
Flying to Germany in 2002, during the height of career success with the CIA, Stephanie Smith read in a news magazine a phrase from President Gordon B. Hinckley that he used to describe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: “Solid, strong, and true.”
“It just had an impact on me,” Smith said.
She wrote it down on a paper which she put in her wallet. The impression of these words would later lead her to call an LDS colleague for help when her successful world was being turned upside down.
Smith now shares the events that led to her conversion with others. She will be holding a fireside this coming Sunday, Oct. 18, at the Washington D.C. Temple Visitor’s Center.
She tracks her journey starting from 1985, when she moved as a young, single woman to Washington, D.C., where she had been hired as an editor for the CIA. She later married and completed a master’s degree in public administration at Harvard.
Continuing work at the CIA, Smith quickly moved up the ranks; she attributes this to hard work. For a decade she worked fourteen to sixteen hours per day six to seven days per week. Raised as a devout Catholic, she would attend Mass every Sunday and then head off to the office for a full day of work.
“That was an every week routine for me,” Smith said. “Obviously there was no discipline, no time, nor any inclination to any deeper spiritual or scriptural study or introspection.”
The rigorous work schedule and Smith’s drive to succeed had several effects. Along with fatigue Smith said she began to experience herself as an unkind person, began taking small “moral shortcuts,” and neglecting relationships with family and friends.
After becoming Director of Support (the first female in the history of the CIA to achieve that position), she began working even longer days, sometimes up to twenty hours. This continued until her health declined and she was hospitalized.
“I’m going along like that, realizing that my health is failing, starting to feel bad about who I was as a person and starting to wonder will there ever be a time when I can decelerate?” Smith said. “I would say to myself: Yes, just successfully complete this job, the world is your oyster, everything will get simpler.”
However, life didn’t become simpler. The CIA and her career were thrown into a crisis after two of her senior officers were fired. She recognized she was in a line of political dominoes and would probably lose her job.
“It took an enormous toll on me,” Smith said. “I just fell apart. I fell apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
Smith said she believes it was the earlier impression of President Hinckley’s words and her tremendous respect for the LDS colleague that led her to call him one evening from her office. He gave her two messages.
“He said to me: ‘Heavenly Father knows you by name. He knows you as an individual and he, like me, knows the true quality of your heart and he has a very specific individual plan for your success,’” Smith said. “I think he said ‘It may not be success as you’ve come to define it. It’s a very different kind of success.’”
Later he gave her directions to the D.C Temple Visitor’s Center where she went and reluctantly signed a referral card for the missionaries to visit her. Several weeks later, two sister missionaries visited and after they entered the home asked if they could sing a song. Smith felt it was very odd until they began singing “I am a Child of God,” and she began crying. After that she continued meeting with the missionaries.
One evening, before a business dinner, Smith sat in her car reading her “homework.” She came across Alma 34:26, when Amulek was teaching people to pour out their souls to God.
The scripture, which Smith said pierced her through the heart, helped her realize for the first time that she was actually supposed to talk to her Heavenly Father. It was also the beginning of her testimony of the Book of Mormon.
“From that moment on I just read the entire Book and I’ve never been without the Book of Mormon,” Smith said. “I have it with me in my car. I have a bedroom version. I have one at my desk at work. I’ve read it three times since then.”
Smith was baptized in January of 2007. Although she counts many blessings, Smith said the biggest is to know that she has eternal purpose.
“I at last was filled with eternal hope that allowed me to go through three years of intense professional hardships, degradation, and opposition,” Smith said. “I only could get through that because I knew now that I had an eternal purpose and that I had an eternal worth and I was surrounded by a community of people who . . . staked their lives on that very same belief.”
Smith has also learned the joy of serving others.
“The second blessing to me is that I got involved with people in a small way . . . the way Christ would have gotten involved with them,” Smith said.
Smith continues to work with the CIA and is now serving in her ward as the employment counselor. Her Oct. 18 fireside will begin at 7:00 p.m.
Kedrik Hamblin - LDS Living
________________________________________
Flying to Germany in 2002, during the height of career success with the CIA, Stephanie Smith read in a news magazine a phrase from President Gordon B. Hinckley that he used to describe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: “Solid, strong, and true.”
“It just had an impact on me,” Smith said.
She wrote it down on a paper which she put in her wallet. The impression of these words would later lead her to call an LDS colleague for help when her successful world was being turned upside down.
Smith now shares the events that led to her conversion with others. She will be holding a fireside this coming Sunday, Oct. 18, at the Washington D.C. Temple Visitor’s Center.
She tracks her journey starting from 1985, when she moved as a young, single woman to Washington, D.C., where she had been hired as an editor for the CIA. She later married and completed a master’s degree in public administration at Harvard.
Continuing work at the CIA, Smith quickly moved up the ranks; she attributes this to hard work. For a decade she worked fourteen to sixteen hours per day six to seven days per week. Raised as a devout Catholic, she would attend Mass every Sunday and then head off to the office for a full day of work.
“That was an every week routine for me,” Smith said. “Obviously there was no discipline, no time, nor any inclination to any deeper spiritual or scriptural study or introspection.”
The rigorous work schedule and Smith’s drive to succeed had several effects. Along with fatigue Smith said she began to experience herself as an unkind person, began taking small “moral shortcuts,” and neglecting relationships with family and friends.
After becoming Director of Support (the first female in the history of the CIA to achieve that position), she began working even longer days, sometimes up to twenty hours. This continued until her health declined and she was hospitalized.
“I’m going along like that, realizing that my health is failing, starting to feel bad about who I was as a person and starting to wonder will there ever be a time when I can decelerate?” Smith said. “I would say to myself: Yes, just successfully complete this job, the world is your oyster, everything will get simpler.”
However, life didn’t become simpler. The CIA and her career were thrown into a crisis after two of her senior officers were fired. She recognized she was in a line of political dominoes and would probably lose her job.
“It took an enormous toll on me,” Smith said. “I just fell apart. I fell apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
Smith said she believes it was the earlier impression of President Hinckley’s words and her tremendous respect for the LDS colleague that led her to call him one evening from her office. He gave her two messages.
“He said to me: ‘Heavenly Father knows you by name. He knows you as an individual and he, like me, knows the true quality of your heart and he has a very specific individual plan for your success,’” Smith said. “I think he said ‘It may not be success as you’ve come to define it. It’s a very different kind of success.’”
Later he gave her directions to the D.C Temple Visitor’s Center where she went and reluctantly signed a referral card for the missionaries to visit her. Several weeks later, two sister missionaries visited and after they entered the home asked if they could sing a song. Smith felt it was very odd until they began singing “I am a Child of God,” and she began crying. After that she continued meeting with the missionaries.
One evening, before a business dinner, Smith sat in her car reading her “homework.” She came across Alma 34:26, when Amulek was teaching people to pour out their souls to God.
The scripture, which Smith said pierced her through the heart, helped her realize for the first time that she was actually supposed to talk to her Heavenly Father. It was also the beginning of her testimony of the Book of Mormon.
“From that moment on I just read the entire Book and I’ve never been without the Book of Mormon,” Smith said. “I have it with me in my car. I have a bedroom version. I have one at my desk at work. I’ve read it three times since then.”
Smith was baptized in January of 2007. Although she counts many blessings, Smith said the biggest is to know that she has eternal purpose.
“I at last was filled with eternal hope that allowed me to go through three years of intense professional hardships, degradation, and opposition,” Smith said. “I only could get through that because I knew now that I had an eternal purpose and that I had an eternal worth and I was surrounded by a community of people who . . . staked their lives on that very same belief.”
Smith has also learned the joy of serving others.
“The second blessing to me is that I got involved with people in a small way . . . the way Christ would have gotten involved with them,” Smith said.
Smith continues to work with the CIA and is now serving in her ward as the employment counselor. Her Oct. 18 fireside will begin at 7:00 p.m.
Melece's new coat
Melece’s new coat or I have the most wonderful husband in the world.
“I need a coat for my London trip.” “Mom, I really need a new coat, my ankle length down-filled fur-lined hooded coat is too warm for London.” “I would really like a wool look, button up, short length coat with a belt” Melece said Monday night.
I really couldn’t see any way to get her a coat. She would be missing school all day Thursday and Friday and part-day Wednesday; a trip to the mall would take 40 minutes at least each way plus searching time. “I’m sorry Mel you’ll just have to wear one of your warm sweaters under your black coat. Or take the winter coat.” “You have play practice Tuesday till 8pm so we can’t shop after school, I’m really sorry.”
Tuesday night Dean came home with a waist length shiny purple Russian coat with a fur trimmed hood, and a lime green sweater. He had shopped in a little store he passes each day on his walk home from the Tushinskaya metro. Wow, I had never thought of looking there! I knew purple was a color Melece likes though it wasn’t the wool coat she had her heart set on, it was definitely light weight, not cumbersome like her winter coat.
Melece came home and tried them on. Both were too small. We all hopped into the car to make a mad dash to the store before it closed. Wrong move, we can walk to Tushinskaya in 20 minutes. It took 45 minutes in 8pm traffic, oops. Yes, the store was closed. I came along just in case this happened. Now I and Melece knew where the store was. We decided Melece would give up lunch and part of study hall Wednesday to return the coat before she left for the airport at 2pm.
The drive was 8 minutes on a Wednesday morning at 11:45. And they had a black coat that looked exceedingly nice on her. We had Dean’s receipt and his Russian note explaining why we were there returning the purchase he had made the night before. And we found a lovely red ribbon trimmed cardigan to exchange for the sweater. Both were slightly more expensive which made the shop keeper happy. Return trip to school 7 minutes! Yes! I was so very pleased. All thanks to our generous Dean who took a few minutes to select some things for his daughter after an exhausting day at work.
Friday, October 9, 2009
“How have I seen God blessing my family today?”
“How have I seen God blessing my family today?”
I have resolved to do better at writing down each day the blessings, inspiration, and tender mercies I receive from Father in Heaven. Elder Eyring’s talk inspired me.["O remember, remember," Ensign, Nov 2007, 66-69. See http://www.lds.org]
I had been keeping a gratitude journal for years, and resolved to try to ask “how have I seen God blessing my family today?” Some days when I come to the end of the day I just draw a blank. Then I list a few things I am thankful for. Some times during morning prayer the answer to last night’s question just pops into my head. And then if there is time I write it down.
Like a few mornings ago the thought popped into my head “If my friends are moving perhaps they need boxes.” So I quickly phoned her. “Yes, we are moving, yes, we need boxes.” I hurriedly dressed, snatched some breakfast, and bundled in the car to go look for moving boxes put out for the garbage man. And I found boxes, so many boxes that I drove to my neighbors house emptied my boxes into her car and then went back for more. I had previously arranged to drive separately to our 11am visiting teaching appointment with H. So I feverishly worked loading my car as full as possible until it was time to drive to her home. A Diana promised to save future boxes she empties for me.
During the visit my friend mentioned she needed to go to a pharmacy. So after we discussed the gospel message, said a prayer and goodbye to my neighbor who had an appointment. H. and I drove to a pharmacy getting medicine for her and me. This pharmacy had the migraine medicine I take. [I had blessedly grabbed the bag that had the prescription for the medicine as I had hurried out the door.]
H. helped me do a map quest so that I could safely drive to grocery store from her house and do my shopping. I was very thankful that the traffic was moving, slowly but steadily.
Thanks to a Facebook comment by H saying they were going to move, and inspiration from my Father I was of service to the family.
Clean enough
Clean enough
I can always tell when I am almost well after an illness my house that had seemed ok, suddenly looks terribly dirty and messy. Though I believe that an immaculate home is a sign of a misspent life, I do love a clean and neat house. Today as I finally took the huge bag of puppy food to the garage from where it had been sitting on the entryway dresser. I remembered lovely Cindy, one of my roommates from Old Farm my first semester at USU. She had a tendency to let the half of her bedroom become a complete tip. I remember one time when her bed and floor were covered with various projects she was working on. (She was a senior in the middle of her student teaching.) Her roommate offered her the use of her sleeping bag so that she could go sleep in the living room. When I asked Cindy why she kept letting her bedroom get so dirty she replied that she liked sharp contrast. If she kept her room always clean it got boring, she loved the thrill of accomplishing the mighty task of turning complete disorder into cleanliness.
I realize I am a bit like Cindy. The feeling of turning a messy kitchen in shambles to a sterilized pristine work space is glorious. Perhaps that is another reason why though I hate moving, I am able to go help friends move. I enjoy the process of helping them through the mess of change.
A BYU education week teacher said that the reason why most closets are messy is that homemakers are hit with the energy and desire to clean out the closet. They pull everything out intending to reorganize the space. Then little Johnny needs a ride to little league and dinner needs to be fixed and countless interruptions call her attention away. After stepping over and around the piles the homemaker, usually in desperation, stuffs everything back into the closet with the closet looking worse than it began.
She said the key to orderly closets was staring at the space, measuring, purchasing organizers or extra shelves or whatever is needed. Then making a plan on paper, and finally when you are convinced that your plan is workable and feasible then and only then taking everything out of the closet and executing the plan.
This advice has kept one of my pantries in my kitchen in a state of embarrassing disarray. I have no idea how to make it better. I keep the door closed. I know where everything is in the closet. It just doesn’t look nice. And whenever the desire to take everything out and start over hits I just go do pushups until the desire goes away reminding myself that it is “clean enough”.
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