Another Good Question

My edition of Change Your Questions Change Your Life has arrived and it is a beautiful book I highly recommend it for getting your thoughts flowing. One: What questions have changed the course of my life?

Reminded me of a question my sweetheart asked me during our first month of marriage.
Do you think about me during the day and do you remember the times of physical intimacy and replay them in your head?

My answer was no. After some discussion we realized that I had carried over into our marriage the practice of “No, lustful thoughts!” That when I might start to think about the intimate private moments of our marriage I immediately chased them out of my mind feeling guilty. I was carrying my pre-marriage modesty thought habits a little too far. He helped me see that our marriage gave me permission to “think about him in that way”. Slowly I began to create a habit of replaying in my mind times of intimate fun. I discovered that anticipating his arrival home from work with thoughts of remembered moments of intense pleasure got my rockets charging and ready for action. And remembering the sizzle of our first kiss prepares me for more passionate kisses.

Doctor James Dodson once said in one of his radio broadcasts that most marriages have appetite disparity. The husband comes home with a few words left over and grumps and nods through dinner. Then he goes off to his projects with nary a word to his wife. Then hours later when she passes him in her night gown suddenly the non-communicative husband is ready for action. And the wife feeling ignored is not in the mood to play. He said that if both spouses compromise then marital disparity can be more aligned. He needs to understand her need for conversation. She needs to understand his visual response time is usually pretty fast. And use that to her advantage when she desires his attention.

As my husband once said, “you never hear of a man being shot when he is doing the dishes”. If I make a point of noticing all the nice things he does for me and our children then my response time stays short too. A night like Dr. Dodson described above means that he has been serving me and working diligently NOT that he has been ignoring me.

Now after 27 years of marriage I realize that there is an added bonus to the good habit my Man encouraged me to develop. I am strongly bonded to my husband. If I feel irritated or slightly mad at him I know what images to switch to in my mind. A few minutes replaying some “honeymooning” and I will soon be feeling very loving and warm towards him. The way I would prefer to feel.