CIA Woman Finds Needed Peace in Gospel

CIA Woman Finds Needed Peace in Gospel
Kedrik Hamblin - LDS Living
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Flying to Germany in 2002, during the height of career success with the CIA, Stephanie Smith read in a news magazine a phrase from President Gordon B. Hinckley that he used to describe The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: “Solid, strong, and true.”
“It just had an impact on me,” Smith said.
She wrote it down on a paper which she put in her wallet. The impression of these words would later lead her to call an LDS colleague for help when her successful world was being turned upside down.
Smith now shares the events that led to her conversion with others. She will be holding a fireside this coming Sunday, Oct. 18, at the Washington D.C. Temple Visitor’s Center.
She tracks her journey starting from 1985, when she moved as a young, single woman to Washington, D.C., where she had been hired as an editor for the CIA. She later married and completed a master’s degree in public administration at Harvard.
Continuing work at the CIA, Smith quickly moved up the ranks; she attributes this to hard work. For a decade she worked fourteen to sixteen hours per day six to seven days per week. Raised as a devout Catholic, she would attend Mass every Sunday and then head off to the office for a full day of work.
“That was an every week routine for me,” Smith said. “Obviously there was no discipline, no time, nor any inclination to any deeper spiritual or scriptural study or introspection.”
The rigorous work schedule and Smith’s drive to succeed had several effects. Along with fatigue Smith said she began to experience herself as an unkind person, began taking small “moral shortcuts,” and neglecting relationships with family and friends.
After becoming Director of Support (the first female in the history of the CIA to achieve that position), she began working even longer days, sometimes up to twenty hours. This continued until her health declined and she was hospitalized.
“I’m going along like that, realizing that my health is failing, starting to feel bad about who I was as a person and starting to wonder will there ever be a time when I can decelerate?” Smith said. “I would say to myself: Yes, just successfully complete this job, the world is your oyster, everything will get simpler.”
However, life didn’t become simpler. The CIA and her career were thrown into a crisis after two of her senior officers were fired. She recognized she was in a line of political dominoes and would probably lose her job.
“It took an enormous toll on me,” Smith said. “I just fell apart. I fell apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually.”
Smith said she believes it was the earlier impression of President Hinckley’s words and her tremendous respect for the LDS colleague that led her to call him one evening from her office. He gave her two messages.
“He said to me: ‘Heavenly Father knows you by name. He knows you as an individual and he, like me, knows the true quality of your heart and he has a very specific individual plan for your success,’” Smith said. “I think he said ‘It may not be success as you’ve come to define it. It’s a very different kind of success.’”
Later he gave her directions to the D.C Temple Visitor’s Center where she went and reluctantly signed a referral card for the missionaries to visit her. Several weeks later, two sister missionaries visited and after they entered the home asked if they could sing a song. Smith felt it was very odd until they began singing “I am a Child of God,” and she began crying. After that she continued meeting with the missionaries.
One evening, before a business dinner, Smith sat in her car reading her “homework.” She came across Alma 34:26, when Amulek was teaching people to pour out their souls to God.
The scripture, which Smith said pierced her through the heart, helped her realize for the first time that she was actually supposed to talk to her Heavenly Father. It was also the beginning of her testimony of the Book of Mormon.
“From that moment on I just read the entire Book and I’ve never been without the Book of Mormon,” Smith said. “I have it with me in my car. I have a bedroom version. I have one at my desk at work. I’ve read it three times since then.”
Smith was baptized in January of 2007. Although she counts many blessings, Smith said the biggest is to know that she has eternal purpose.
“I at last was filled with eternal hope that allowed me to go through three years of intense professional hardships, degradation, and opposition,” Smith said. “I only could get through that because I knew now that I had an eternal purpose and that I had an eternal worth and I was surrounded by a community of people who . . . staked their lives on that very same belief.”
Smith has also learned the joy of serving others.
“The second blessing to me is that I got involved with people in a small way . . . the way Christ would have gotten involved with them,” Smith said.
Smith continues to work with the CIA and is now serving in her ward as the employment counselor. Her Oct. 18 fireside will begin at 7:00 p.m.

Melece's new coat

Melece’s new coat or I have the most wonderful husband in the world.

“I need a coat for my London trip.” “Mom, I really need a new coat, my ankle length down-filled fur-lined hooded coat is too warm for London.” “I would really like a wool look, button up, short length coat with a belt” Melece said Monday night.

I really couldn’t see any way to get her a coat. She would be missing school all day Thursday and Friday and part-day Wednesday; a trip to the mall would take 40 minutes at least each way plus searching time. “I’m sorry Mel you’ll just have to wear one of your warm sweaters under your black coat. Or take the winter coat.” “You have play practice Tuesday till 8pm so we can’t shop after school, I’m really sorry.”

Tuesday night Dean came home with a waist length shiny purple Russian coat with a fur trimmed hood, and a lime green sweater. He had shopped in a little store he passes each day on his walk home from the Tushinskaya metro. Wow, I had never thought of looking there! I knew purple was a color Melece likes though it wasn’t the wool coat she had her heart set on, it was definitely light weight, not cumbersome like her winter coat.

Melece came home and tried them on. Both were too small. We all hopped into the car to make a mad dash to the store before it closed. Wrong move, we can walk to Tushinskaya in 20 minutes. It took 45 minutes in 8pm traffic, oops. Yes, the store was closed. I came along just in case this happened. Now I and Melece knew where the store was. We decided Melece would give up lunch and part of study hall Wednesday to return the coat before she left for the airport at 2pm.

The drive was 8 minutes on a Wednesday morning at 11:45. And they had a black coat that looked exceedingly nice on her. We had Dean’s receipt and his Russian note explaining why we were there returning the purchase he had made the night before. And we found a lovely red ribbon trimmed cardigan to exchange for the sweater. Both were slightly more expensive which made the shop keeper happy. Return trip to school 7 minutes! Yes! I was so very pleased. All thanks to our generous Dean who took a few minutes to select some things for his daughter after an exhausting day at work.

“How have I seen God blessing my family today?”

“How have I seen God blessing my family today?”

I have resolved to do better at writing down each day the blessings, inspiration, and tender mercies I receive from Father in Heaven. Elder Eyring’s talk inspired me.["O remember, remember," Ensign, Nov 2007, 66-69. See http://www.lds.org]

I had been keeping a gratitude journal for years, and resolved to try to ask “how have I seen God blessing my family today?” Some days when I come to the end of the day I just draw a blank. Then I list a few things I am thankful for. Some times during morning prayer the answer to last night’s question just pops into my head. And then if there is time I write it down.

Like a few mornings ago the thought popped into my head “If my friends are moving perhaps they need boxes.” So I quickly phoned her. “Yes, we are moving, yes, we need boxes.” I hurriedly dressed, snatched some breakfast, and bundled in the car to go look for moving boxes put out for the garbage man. And I found boxes, so many boxes that I drove to my neighbors house emptied my boxes into her car and then went back for more. I had previously arranged to drive separately to our 11am visiting teaching appointment with H. So I feverishly worked loading my car as full as possible until it was time to drive to her home. A Diana promised to save future boxes she empties for me.

During the visit my friend mentioned she needed to go to a pharmacy. So after we discussed the gospel message, said a prayer and goodbye to my neighbor who had an appointment. H. and I drove to a pharmacy getting medicine for her and me. This pharmacy had the migraine medicine I take. [I had blessedly grabbed the bag that had the prescription for the medicine as I had hurried out the door.]

H. helped me do a map quest so that I could safely drive to grocery store from her house and do my shopping. I was very thankful that the traffic was moving, slowly but steadily.

Thanks to a Facebook comment by H saying they were going to move, and inspiration from my Father I was of service to the family.

Clean enough

Clean enough

I can always tell when I am almost well after an illness my house that had seemed ok, suddenly looks terribly dirty and messy. Though I believe that an immaculate home is a sign of a misspent life, I do love a clean and neat house. Today as I finally took the huge bag of puppy food to the garage from where it had been sitting on the entryway dresser. I remembered lovely Cindy, one of my roommates from Old Farm my first semester at USU. She had a tendency to let the half of her bedroom become a complete tip. I remember one time when her bed and floor were covered with various projects she was working on. (She was a senior in the middle of her student teaching.) Her roommate offered her the use of her sleeping bag so that she could go sleep in the living room. When I asked Cindy why she kept letting her bedroom get so dirty she replied that she liked sharp contrast. If she kept her room always clean it got boring, she loved the thrill of accomplishing the mighty task of turning complete disorder into cleanliness.

I realize I am a bit like Cindy. The feeling of turning a messy kitchen in shambles to a sterilized pristine work space is glorious. Perhaps that is another reason why though I hate moving, I am able to go help friends move. I enjoy the process of helping them through the mess of change.

A BYU education week teacher said that the reason why most closets are messy is that homemakers are hit with the energy and desire to clean out the closet. They pull everything out intending to reorganize the space. Then little Johnny needs a ride to little league and dinner needs to be fixed and countless interruptions call her attention away. After stepping over and around the piles the homemaker, usually in desperation, stuffs everything back into the closet with the closet looking worse than it began.

She said the key to orderly closets was staring at the space, measuring, purchasing organizers or extra shelves or whatever is needed. Then making a plan on paper, and finally when you are convinced that your plan is workable and feasible then and only then taking everything out of the closet and executing the plan.

This advice has kept one of my pantries in my kitchen in a state of embarrassing disarray. I have no idea how to make it better. I keep the door closed. I know where everything is in the closet. It just doesn’t look nice. And whenever the desire to take everything out and start over hits I just go do pushups until the desire goes away reminding myself that it is “clean enough”.

Why I am still the Sunbeam teacher.

Teach the Children

Last week I again put my back/pelvis out after lifting Sunbeams (the 4 year old children kind). There have been many Sundays after church that I have been intensely tempted to give my resignation wishes to Branch President Meservy.

This class is the 2^nd hardest Primary class I have ever tried to teach; tried to teach is the operative word there. Yet I have not…

Because:

I believe the calling came from the Lord.

I have never turned down a request to serve when issued by my leaders.

I am a University trained teacher of children.

I love children.

Christ wants me to become as a little child.

I have an abundance of love and no grandchildren to spoil.

If not me, then one of the tired young mothers who spend all their days with children might be asked to fill my place. My service gives them a break.

I have years of experience and patience….greatly needed with this class.

I have a mature testimony of Christ’s gospel.

I can make a difference in the life of a child.

True discipleship requires sacrifice.

It is good to have a calling that requires our very best creativity and skills.

My friendship skills make missing Relief Society meetings each Sunday a non-issue.

I have a mature understanding of the scriptures. Missing Gospel Doctrine class each week, though disappointing is not spiritually weakening.

My Aunt Ethel Mae, who I admire greatly, taught the 7 year olds in Primary for more than 14 years in a row.

Milla now asks her mom almost daily, “is it church day today?” because she loves me and knows I love her she likes to come to church.

My backache reminds me to do my Physical therapy more frequently.

I have acquired an Ipod dock and now know how to load church music and talks onto my Ipod….for use in the classroom…something I have procrastinated learning and purchasing when it was just for me.

Sunbeam teacher and Enrichment group leader are perfect callings for our family while Dean serves as the Branch President.

Training Sasha

I would like to compete with Sasha in Agility competitions. Experts say that it takes one year of intensive training to get a dog ready to compete. One of the skills Sasha needs is speed. She already is an incredible sprinter so I thought a way to strengthen her running skills would be to get her to run more... but this past spring P.Hills where I live, tightened down the law that all dogs must be on leashes at all times. They threaten big fines and evictions,so letting her off leash to run with her friends Kate and Albert each day is no longer an option.

I thought, "what if I'm healed enough to get back on my bike". Tested it out. and discovered much to my joy and intense relief I can once again bike ride.
In April I tied Sasha's shortest leash to my back bike rack and walked around the neighborhood with the bike between us. With lots of treats and warm praise she thought this new game was fun. Then I got on the bike and she wonderingly began to jog along beside me.

After a few days I was ready to leave our compound and do more serious riding. Just outside our gate there is a steep hill. Turn left and you head for another housing estate and dead end. Turn right and you head out to the main roads passing the acres of forestland on the left. I thought my first excursion should be uphill to the dead end. Cars tear up the road at great speeds so it was Sasha's job to stay on the sidewalk as I biked on the edge of the road. Unfortunately I discovered that Sasha was able to run behind me and cross out into the road with great speed and she did this every time a car approached. ARRGGG! Treats and praise when she stayed on the sidewalk and loud Nos when she ran out into the road didn't seem to be able to override her natural instinct to race up the center of the road with the cars. After a week I sadly decided that she would be always at risk and unable to bike with me on major roads...


One last idea was to shorten the leash enough so that it was impossible for her to cross behind me and reach the roadway. I started biking up the road then heard her start to run behind me to cross out into the road and hit the breaks. I jumped off the bike, turned around and found a terrified dog with her paws between the spokes. Gratefully she was not hurt. Just chastened and frightened. After a few more days of training I was able to go down the hill with her keeping on the grass and cross over into the woods.

Sasha still pulls away from me every time I pull the bike out of the garage. But with some coaxing I am able to get her out into the woods safely where she can go off leash and run to her hearts content.

I love cycling through the woods near our home. It is beautiful,fun,and great exercise for both of us.

I am hoping that by the time snowfall comes and ski season starts that I will be familiar enough with the woods that I will be able to ski with Sasha with out getting lost.

Bolshoi Ballet Workshop

There is a large building in downtown Moscow where the costumes, scenery and shoes are created for The Bolshoi Ballet. Our Relief Society Enrichment group was given a guided tour today. We were taken into the 3 story room where we watched scenery painters paint "soft" scenery. The net like curtains that are painted and hung as part of the scenery in front of the "hard" scenery. Then we walked around the costume workshop watching the many woman diligently creating various costumes. ..lots of Tu Tu's.

Then our tourguide's granddaughter modeled some costumes.

The man that makes 8 shoes or 4 pairs of toe shoes each day showed us some of his tools and explained (through the translator) the steps of creating shoes for the dancers.